Marriage in Islam

 

Why the Western media  attack Islamic marriage ? The reason why they attack the Islamic marriage is the same reason why they attack Islam, which is to create a negative public opinion among people (Muslims and non-Muslims) towards Islam and to erode the confidence of Muslims in Islam, because those who are controlling the status quo realize that the Islamic way of life will be embraced by the people of the world if presented to them in the correct manner. As a result, they erecting as many mental and physical obstacles to prevent Islam from emerging as a viable alternative. As for their specific attacks, the answer to them is simple: Arranged marriages  Most relationships in life are arranged. You get your job because you know somebody who knows somebody else in the company, and he ''arranges'' an interview for you. Most marriages are through a friend, an acquaintance, a relative, who recommends somebody else to you, and they ''arrange'' for you to meet that individual. Even in their Kufr wedding programs like The Bachelor/Bachelorette, etc., they pre-arrange the relationship between the contestants. Therefore, there is nothing wrong with arranged, to be distinguished from ''forced'' marriages, which are haram in Islam. Moreover the meaning of the term ''arranged'' depends on the cultural context.  Marrying up to four wives:  It is permissible for a man to marry up to 4 wives. However, we have to keep some points in mind at all times: 1). The only allowable relationship between a man and a woman is through the framework of marriage, which means that, if a man is going to marry four women, then each woman is considered a WIFE. There is no such thing as a wife and three girlfriends that is often alluded to by Orientalists. Therefore, with each wife, the man must do everything that he does to a wife. Any children born from all the wives are considered his children, with the same rights of inheritance, titles, etc. He must provide for each of them, guarantee security and happiness for each of them, and treat them EQUALLY. Therefore, he cannot buy one wife a house and buy apartments for the other three. He either buys all four of them houses, or he buys all four of them apartments. And this equal treatment goes to the children born from each wife. He cannot send the children of one wife to Arabic medium schools while sending the children of the other wives to English medium schools. This is something that Allah (swt) obligated the man to do should he choose to have more than one wife; therefore, it is HARAM for the man to be unequal in this regard or to show any preferential treatment. Of course, there is one part of the man that will never be equal, which is his heart, and this is natural. The man will naturally incline in his feelings towards one more than the rest, and the man who decides to put himself in this position better prepare himself for the feuds and the disputes and the friction that will result. Women are especially sharp in detecting this, and this will create conflict in the household. If the man is the type of person who heats up easily, loses control of himself when under pressure, and is unable to stand in the face of torrents of screaming with a cool, level head, then he should not sign up for this. Marrying more than one wife is an extra responsibility in this life, and those who are not equipped to deal with it should not assume the task. And any Muslim who truly understands his relationship to Allah (swt) would be afraid to marry more than one wife because on the Day of Judgment, we will be accountable before Allah (swt) to all those whom we were responsible for, and marrying more than one wife means more people who will testify for or against you on the Day of Judgment.  One might ask why Allah (swt) gave men the permission to marry up to 4 wives ? We should not attempt to justify the rules of Allah using our own logic. We have to make sure that this does NOT happen because the very reason for us being Muslims is the realization that Allah exists and that we as human beings are INCAPABLE of designing a system or deciding what is right and wrong on our own, and based upon this realization, we submit to Allah (swt) and depend upon Allah (swt) to provide us with rules to organize our lives and answers to our questions and issues that we face. Besides this fact, when we accept Islam, we are ordered to submit to Allah completely, and part of this submission means to ACKNOWLEDGE THAT WHATEVER ALLAH SENT IS BEST FOR US. After all, we say that Allah (swt) is the CREATOR, which means that the system that Allah (swt) revealed (Islam) is the correct system for human beings. This does not mean that our mind is shut off. All it means is that our minds have a well-defined role, which is to understand what the rules of Allah (swt) are and apply them. But our minds should NEVER assume the role of questioning the validity or practicality of a certain rule in Islam; these are the rules of the Creator, and the Creator does not need to justify His rules to His creation. Once we understand with our minds that this is a rule from Allah (swt), then our attitude should be as Allah (swt) described the attitude of the believers in the Qur'an: ''We listen and we obey.'' If we embark upon the task of attempting to justify the validity of the Islamic rules, then we may run the risk of stepping outside the circle of Islam altogether because many rules do not make any sense based on our limited thinking and logic. However, this should not even be an issue because what makes Islam correct is not whether the rules themselves make sense or not, but because the Islamic Aqeedah (belief) is correct. The very fact that these rules emanate from Allah the Creator is proof that the rules are correct and valid. This is something that the Muslim Ummah overlooked when it responded to the attacks that the West initiated upon Islam to steer us away from the correct Islamic thinking. The West would attack many rules in Islam, and rather than explaining that these rules are correct because they emanate from the Islamic Aqeedah and presenting the Islamic Aqeedah as the correct solution, the Muslims took the defensive stance and began to justify the Islamic rules using the WESTERN way of thinking, and according to Western Culture, any rule or legislation cannot be accepted unless it makes sense to the human mind. As a result, we became apologetics, which led many Muslims to twist the meaning of some rules or even to deny them altogether in order to make Islam more palatable to the West. And rather than presenting to the people what Islam IS, we became overwhelmed in trying to explain to the people what Islam ISN'T. In this context, the Muslims began to claim that Jihad is only defensive or it means ''struggle,'' and we would also try to find logical justifications for why Allah (swt) allowed the man to marry more than one wife. Therefore, we cannot afford to fall into this trap. The permissibility of a man to marry more than one wife is a rule of Allah the Creator, who is proven to exist, and this rule is mentioned in the Qur'an, which is proven to be the words of Allah. This is sufficient for us to consider the rule as correct and valid. However, it is perfectly acceptable for somebody not to accept something out of preference AS LONG AS this lack of acceptance does not lead us to questioning the validity or correctness of the rule itself. Thus,  if a woman does not want her husband to marry more than one wife, then that is her preference and it must be respected as long as she does not question the validity of this rule, because questioning the validity of this rule implies questioning the validity of the one who designed the rule, and Allah (swt) cannot be questioned or held accountable to anyone or anything. We are accountable before Allah (swt) for whether we accepted or rejected His Message and whether we chose to believe in His laws and submit to them or not. In the same manner, Allah (swt) made it permissible for me to eat fish or beef, and if I do not like beef, then this is my choice, BUT I cannot question why Allah (swt) made beef halal. 2). The Islamic rules are not based on discrimination. Allah (swt) is above and beyond the capacity to discriminate. Allah (swt) gave some rights to women and some rights to the man. If one were to survey the Islamic rules from the perspective of ''fair vs. unfair,'' then really, Islam is unfair against everybody but is also fair against everyone, which makes no sense. The man is allowed to marry up to 4 wives, but he is obligated to work, and he must spend the money that he earns on his wife, his children, and his family. By the same token, working for a woman is a choice, not an obligation. And the money that she earns is for herself to spend it the way she wants. Therefore, we cannot look upon the Islamic rules from the point of view of discrimination. Rather, we look to the Islamic rules as rules that were revealed by Allah (Swt) to organize the affairs of the human being, and when both the men and women follow these rules, the result will be tranquility in the family, the household, and in the society. 3). The number is not the issue; rather, it is the type of relationship that Islam focuses on. With each wife, Islam dictates that the relationship be constructed in a certain way that guarantees justice for both parties. The West make a big deal of a man marrying four wives and treating each one as a wife, with justice and fairness, but the one who has a wife and three girlfriends is considered a ''stud.'' In the case of the former, each woman is elevated to the status of ''wife,'' with all the rights and privileges of a wife. In the case of the latter, the man is cheating on his wife by having extra-marital relationships behind her back, and he is cheating on the girlfriends because he is not bound by any contract to them and has no obligation towards them whatsoever. Conclusion One last point. We often hear horror stories of how women are treated in Muslim countries. This has nothing to do with Islam, but is the result of local culture and customs. Islam is not even applied as a system of life anywhere; therefore, you cannot blame Islam because Islam is not there to start with. Related Archive